Equilibrium
Author: isilweth
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: Karen lends an ear. (ca. JSA #81)
* * *
The Brownstone library was a bit more crowded than usual, Karen Starr noted as she entered. Courtney Whitmore shared the table to her immediate left with Jesse Chambers. A mass of papers spread between them, and a history textbook open before the teenage girl, her highlighter poised above it. Jesse's accounting calculator hummed as she worked and Karen wondered at her doing the books in the library rather than downstairs in her office. She held her tongue though, turned away from them and tried to find the 180 section to return the book she'd borrowed from Sandy to its rightful place. Damned Dewey Decimal System.
"I always admired Dinah for sticking with it as long as she did." Ma Hunkel's voice, albeit low and hushed, but still it carried in the high ceilinged acoustics. Or maybe it was Karen's super-hearing. She couldn't quite tell.
"Hmph. She ignored her daughter for the sake of being a superhero. That's not admirable." Libby Lawrence, her voice melodious and pleasing even with the edge in her tone. Karen had seen her costume downstairs; Libby must have brought it to Ma for the museum and stayed to gossip. That explained Jesse's presence. She was close to her mom and got a history lesson all in one.
"Dinah retired."
"Eventually." Karen bit her lip just as she heard Courtney suppressing a giggle. If Court could hear them, then it wasn't Karen's super-hearing then.
"In time enough. Besides, the same could be said about Shiera." Ma was always so practical about things; it was a quality Karen respected and worked to emulate. It was nothing like Hawkgirl and she felt a sudden wave of longing to visit Kendra in St. Roch.
"Maybe. Besides, we all retired in short order after the war. Polly went back to being Queen of her island. Joan lost her powers, got married and went off to take care of her husband and be a mother. Danette died and Paula went rogue. Sandra disappeared."
As she tried to place the given names with code names, Karen was suddenly glad she'd read Jesse's dissertation on the history of the All-Star Squadron. Polly, she knew was Hippolyta, Diana's mother and also Wonder Woman. Joan was Joan Dale-Trevor, Miss America. Danette she'd never met, but Al Rothstein's mother, Terri had told stories about Firebrand of the Freedom Fighters, the woman who'd raised her. Paula must've referred to Ted Grant's nemesis, the original Huntress of the Injustice Society; Karen hadn't realized she'd once been on the heroes' side. Sandra had to be Jack Knight's cousin, the first Phantom Lady.
"Sandra didn't disappear. She started a spy school."
"A spy school, huh? Well, good for Sandra." Libby sounded intrigued, almost envious. "How'd you hear about that?"
"Molly's still got her connections in the FBI."
It was quiet for a moment while Libby considered that, and Karen realized she could no longer hear the hum of Jesse's calculator. She shelved her book and turned to leave.
"Do you ever miss it?" Libby sounded almost wistful.
"What? Gallivanting around as a mystery man? Not hardly. I missed my family and I've got them back now. What about you? You miss it?"
"Itchy costumes and three AM emergencies. Not really. Though, it sure would be easier if some people were to get off their accounting behinds, stop mourning, and work for a living again."
There was a loud slam followed immediately by the irritating scratch of a wooden chair being scraped against the hardwood floor. Karen x-rayed the library, scanning passed and between the shelves. She saw Jesse sprinting towards the back of the room on the other side. Karen leapt into the air and flew the short distance over the shelves to arrive at Ma and Libby just before Jesse. Enough time to get between the two women.
"If you've got something to say, maybe you should say it to my face." Karen noted Jesse's blood had rushed to her face and her temperature was rapidly rising. Her hands were on her hips as she loomed over her mother.
Libby stood from her seat and took a posture similar to her daughter's. "Fine, I'll say it. You need to get back to work."
"What do you think I'm doing here, Mom!"
"That's not what I mean and you know it. You've never been happy staying out of the action! You always had to run right into it."
"Yeah, well I can't do that anymore, can I? The speed force, my formula, the company, Dad -- they're all gone and you don't even care!"
Libby shook her head. "That's not the point!"
"Like hell it's not!" Karen was glad Jesse didn't have heat vision for the way she was glaring at her mom.
They were getting louder and Karen noticed fists starting to form. She decided to intervene, "Ladies, let's not do this here." She spread her arms wide between them.
"You can do better, Jesse."
"I'm doing just fine, thank you."
This was starting to grate on her nerves. She put on her forceful tone. "I mean it. This stops NOW! Move out."
Karen saw Courtney place a tentative hand on Jesse's arm. Jesse tugged it away and stormed out of the library.
* * *
The grinding of teeth was getting on her nerves. Karen pulled herself off her bed, scratched her kitty behind her ears and went downstairs to see about that awful grinding.It was coming from the business office and it wasn't just grinding. Her x-ray vision revealed Jesse Chambers slamming her books onto the shelves. Reorganizing. Putting things in their new place. It was an attitude Karen recognized all too well. Jesse was taking her frustrations out on the furniture.
As much as she didn't want to, she'd have to deal with this. The JSA was too fragile right now and the team meant too much to her to allow another loose cannon in their midst. Karen pushed open the door.
"Jesse."
"Can I help you?"
Karen wasn't one to beat about the details; she got to the point of matters, sometimes to her detriment.
"You're angry."
"You think?" Jesse rolled her eyes - her condescension written in the sneer on her face. "You'd know, wouldn't you?"
Karen would not allow the other woman to bait her; She thought of fluffy kittens - without bared fangs and protracted claws - playing with a ball of yarn. She stared down the glare. "I have had some experience with that, yes."
"Well, you can take your experience and get the hell out."
"Sure, if you want to go a few rounds, we can do that."
"That's not what I meant."
"Of course not."
Jesse was insistent. "You're not my Papa Bear." Thankfully, there're enough of those around here, Karen thought. "You don't have any business telling me what to do."
"You think I'm trying to tell you what to do?" Karen was incredulous. "I'm trying to be your friend. Geesh, I thought you were smart."
"You don't have a lot of experience with that, do you?"
Karen tried not to utter the biting response she had on the tip of her tongue, but it was too late. "Oh, I've got lots of experience with people being stupider than I thought they were." She felt herself flush. Lashing back wasn't going to help either of them.
Jesse looked stunned. Her mouth was agape and she hadn't replied yet.
"What, you meant being a friend?" Maybe she could still salvage this and spin things to her own aims. "I have no idea, my memory's not the best." Karen tried again, "So, um, how about that sparring match?"
Jesse seemed oddly more at ease now, as though Karen's thoughtless remark had helped her feel better somehow. Her blue eyes sparkled mischievously. "Ha! Sparring? There are other ways to bond, you know."
"None quite so fun."
Jesse walked behind her desk, pulled out a key and unlocked a drawer. "Not even chocolate?"
"Ooh, is that your secret stash?"
"Of course it is. My mother," Jesse slammed the drawer closed, "never liked me having treats. So, I learned to hide them."
"Thank you for sharing." Karen took the proffered chocolate. "You and your mom always fight like that?"
"Mmm." Jesse didn't answer right away. By the way her eyes had closed and her lips pressed together, Karen could see she was savoring her chocolate. "Not always.
"Actually, that's not true. We've been at odds as long as I can remember. Did you get along with your parents?"
Karen took a bite of her chocolate piece to buy herself time answering the question. What did she say to that anyway? She focused on the chocolate instead. It was sweet and smooth, with a tangy, nutty aftertaste. She didn't feel the hormonal rush from the pituitary gland which she knew accompanied the treat for humans. It didn't have the same effect for her. She wondered if Earth-2 chocolate would affect her or if all Kryptonians were immune, regardless of universe of origin. She decided to give Superman some chocolate at the next opportunity and x-ray his brain while he ate it.
"Don't remember them. I grew up in a space ship." She shrugged. "But, my Kal and Lo -- his wife were great people. They were family and they were good to me and now I've got the JSA."
Jesse was quiet another moment as she looked at the paperweight on her desk. Round and colorful with almost a kaleidoscope pattern, but not a snow globe, Karen noted. Jesse's brow was furrowed and Karen imagined she could actually see wheels turning in her head, though really it looked more like miniaturized colorful lightning.
"Do you ever fight with Jay, Alan and Ted?"
"All the time, especially Ted. That man could make anybody furious." Jesse grinned at that, then proceeded to tell Karen many embarrassing stories about Ted from her parents and her childhood. Karen settled into Jesse's extra office chair to listen. She would have teasing material for weeks.
* * *
Karen surprised herself by taking this trip. Her company was in a precarious stage. StarrWare was moving away from computer hardware and acquiring the rights to Ted Knight's research in channeling cosmic energy. She was moving her headquarters and hiring new staff to accommodate the change in focus. It required her concentrated effort. It would make a difference for the Earth. It was important work and she cared a great deal about it, yet she was thousands of miles away instead.
She was watching Courtney doing flips across the balance beam in the high school gymnasium. Karen hadn't seen Courtney balance on her star rod for two weeks. The girl had been absent from the Brownstone and the JSA entirely. Not even so much as a phone call. Karen missed her. Thus, the trip to Blue Valley.
She waited until Courtney finished her after-school workout and was milling about with her friends. Then Karen adjusted her glasses, stood up from the bleachers and approached the younger girl across the floor. Courtney's eyes grew wide when she saw her. With a sideways glance to her friends, she rushed to Karen's side and gave her a big hug. The words came out in a rush.
"What are you doing here? How did you get here? What's wrong? When do we need to leave?"
Karen returned her hug with a reassuring smile. "There's no emergency. I just wanted to see how you're doing. And, I flew, silly."
Courtney's mouth formed a little "O" of surprise, but she quickly recovered it. A welcoming smile split her face wide as a friend joined them.
"Karen, this is my friend Mary. Mary, this is Karen. Let me just call home, okay."
Mary stared up at her with clear awe. "I can't believe I'm meeting Power Girl."
Karen leaned down conspiratorially, "I can't believe I'm finally meeting Stargirl's best friend. You really mean a lot to her, you know."
The teenager beamed and Karen realized she'd just made the girl's week. Silly, how these things worked sometimes.
Courtney returned and the girls said their goodbyes as Karen waited. "Where to?" Karen asked when they were alone together out on the sidewalk.
"I'm going home," Courtney said resolutely. "Maybe you could walk me?"
"Of course. It'll be nice to see Pat, if he's home."
"Mom's still at the office, so yeah, he should be."
They walked in a not-quite companionable silence for several blocks until they passed a couple of small children playing in their front yard, their guardian weeding nearby.
Finally, Courtney spoke up, "I need to spend time with Patricia. My baby sister," she added, perhaps realizing Karen didn't recognize her name.
"Okay." Karen let a moment pass before asking the question she'd come all this way to ask. She'd been hoping Courtney would just tell her, but it didn't seem to be forthcoming. "That why've you been away?"
"Well... " Courtney bit her lower lip. "You know how Jesse and Liberty Belle had that fight?" It wasn't a question, so Karen didn't answer it, but she was confused.
"What does that have to do with your sister?"
"Nothing." Courtney started hugging herself as she walked. "I was in the library and I heard Ma and Liberty Belle talking. Before the fight, I mean."
"Yes, I remember."
"They were talking about how all these heroes had neglected their families. And now Jesse isn't even talking to her mom."
That wasn't quite how Karen remembered it and, "There's more to it than that, Court."
"Really? What?" Courtney continued in a rush before she could answer, "Jesse's still got her strength, but she retired as a hero because she doesn't want her mom's legacy. I remember when they hugged after Liberty Belle almost died and I thought they'd be okay after that, but I was wrong." She'd balled her hands into fists now. "I can't let that happen with Patricia. I need to spend time with her."
"Whoa, hold up." Karen put a hand on Courtney's shoulder and gently squeezed. "That's a lot of assumptions about Jesse and Libby and I don't think all of them are quite true, nor our business. What have they got to do with your sister? I still don't understand." She rubbed her temples. The leaps in logic were giving her a headache.
"I saw the future her in the past. I mean, she was there, all grown up as Starwoman, when we went back in time. She even had my star rod."
"I didn't know that."
"Yeah, and I was really proud at first because that means she followed in my footsteps, but what if all it really means is I'm dead and I never spent enough time with her? She needs to be my priority."
"First off, you're obviously not dead as you're walking home from school with me." Karen waggled her eyebrows, but Courtney continued to frown. "Secondly, while it's great to be thinking of your family, you're a teenage girl and this is when you get to explore what works in your life. What do you want?"
"What?" Courtney seemed genuinely baffled by the question.
"You keep talking about 'needing to spend time' with her, but what about what you want? Do you really want to give up Stargirl?"
Courtney was quiet awhile, considering. They turned a corner. "No. I want to be Stargirl. It's just I don't know how to do both."
"Yes, you do. You are both. Just be yourself. That's all you need to do." Courtney looked skeptical and Karen thought again about being unable to devote any time to her own interests in StarrWare.
"Well, maybe not 'all you need to do'. I'm not saying I have all the answers, Court, but I know you'll be there for your sister, just like I know you'd make Sylvester Pemberton proud, if he could see you. You just need to find the right balance that works for you." Now, I just need to take my own advice she thought as they entered the ranch house. Funny, it looked just the same as all the others on the street from the outside. You'd never guessed it contained a young superhero, a retired superhero and apparently a future superhero.
Pat greeted her warmly with a hug when she entered and soon she found herself holding Patricia, her bright red hair a rumpled mess on top of her head. Karen always felt slightly uncomfortable holding babies - they were so fragile! But, the little girl smiled at her with a toothless grin and Karen couldn't help but return it with a smile of her own.
* * *
"Come with me to the sewing room." Courtney looked down at her untainted costume, then dutifully followed Karen where she led her.
When they arrived, Karen took her hand and led her into the room to the sewing desk. Ma Hunkel was expertly working a blue fabric through the antique sewing machine. Karen admired the way her hands and foot moved in a steady rhythm, the fabric sliding through the needle, her fingers nimbly pulling and pushing it where it needed to go. Ma turned the fabric and revealed a gold and red Liberty Bell newly visible from the other side.
Karen heard Courtney gasp beside her. She'd recognized it, as Karen had hoped. "Ma, what are you doing to Liberty Belle's tunic?" Courtney sounded worried.
"I'm taking it in, dear." Ma continued working as she spoke, a small smile playing on her lips.
"Why does it need it? Do you usually do that to costumes before they go on the mannequins?" Karen noted confusion now, but also curiosity.
"No, I don't." Ma answered her second question first. "I'm taking it in because Jesse's a little smaller than Libby."
Karen counted a full thirty seconds before Courtney let go of her hand and replaced it with a quick hug. When she looked up to Karen, her eyes were sparkling. "Thank you."
The next moment, she was jumping up and down, then running down the hall to share the good news. "This is awesome!
Karen smiled to herself. It looked like the team would be okay after all and she had work to do with her company.
* * *